A Mental Health Challenge in Start-ups
(1900 words, 10min read)
It would be an understatement to say there’s a lot going on in our world. Technology is evolving faster than it ever has, uncertainty is rife and debates are raging on cancel-culture, identity and the economic crisis.
Add in a global pandemic and the threat of nuclear war, you know – just to keep things interesting.
Our world of course has always experienced its share of turmoil, however today we are able to hear (and be heard by) millions of voices on any subject.
The nature of this connectivity is revealing (and contributing to) an endemic mental health problem of declining emotional intelligence (EQ) that many start-ups are exposed to, whether they like it or not *source A
This paper explores some of the ways this problem is manifesting within businesses as well as the associated risks they’re exposed to and discusses a possible solution the CEO can adopt to help combat the effects of it.
Let’s start with the basics.
What is emotional intelligence?
EQ is often misinterpreted as empathy, however actual EQ is reflective of the level of developed awareness a person has of how they and others might feel in a situation as well as their ability to control emotions as they arise.
What are the symptoms of low EQ?
Very often low EQ becomes clearly visible in a person’s behaviour when a situation presents that’s inflammatory, highly stressful or emotionally challenging.
Exact traits will vary person to person, but often you will notice behaviour such as;
- An inability to see or respect others viewpoints
- Erratic behaviour in the face of uncertainty
- A persistent need to be recognised as being right
- Externalising blame
- Lacking humility
- Quick to judge and form opinions
- Poorly set and communicated boundaries
- Easily offended
- Avoidance of responsibility
- Tendencies to make excuses
- Propensity to trust or distrust others quickly
- A tendency to dramatise or exaggerate
- Reacting disproportionately to a the severity of a situation
- Resistance to feedback and criticism
- Struggles to, or simply cannot self-soothe
- Overly defensive
- Prone to self-sabotage
- Overstating knowledge, experience or depth of understanding
- Victim mindset
- Lacking empathy
- A tendency to talk before listening
- A sense of inflated self-importance
- A constant need to be praised, validated or recognised
I could go on, but I think you get the picture.
Something to be aware of is that while these traits can be reflective of low EQ, they may have other sources and influences in a person’s psyche.
For some, they can root in deeper psychological or neurological conditions *source 1. It can also be a combination of factors, so be careful not to make gunshot assumptions.
How is low EQ impacting startups?
Ever had that friend who only ever seems to care about their own problems? Or the leader who always has to express their opinion first… or at least the loudest? What about someone who always has the ‘best’ answer to a problem and never wants to own a mistake, however obvious it is that they made it?
How do you feel around someone like that?
Now imagine what impact that type of behaviour in your business could have your on clients, investors, suppliers or employees.
In a startup, low EQ will, in ways nigh impossible to quantify, cause ongoing and persistent problems, which are often hidden until it’s too late. *source 2
Subtle disengagement
It would be easy to read this so far and think – ‘but nobody on our team is a self obsessed narcissist, we’re all good’
The first half of that assumption might be true, but self absorption has many layers to it, not all of them immediately obvious. Subtle disengagement often presents as a person meeting the expectations of their job description, rarely more, because mentally, they’re just not invested.
Their buy-in to your business is below what it could be and this can be damaging in ways very hard to predict.
Quiet Quitting
This is one example of this trend that perfectly reflects how low EQ is being fuelled by the nature of how we connect in our times and the damage being caused to businesses as a result.
Quiet quitting is a way for someone to dodge the responsibility of owning dissatisfaction in a role by blaming their environment and decreasing their output in order to stay comfortable rather than making a decision to leave. This has a huge online community helping to justify and “support” those who think this is a healthy way to solve the problem.
Social media trends like quiet quitting often have a disproportionately strong appeal to those with a lower EQ because inaction is often more comfortable than change or making a decision. So when a large group of people are advocating for the former, it can be very attractive to agree with.
But wait folks, there’s more..
Those with a low EQ are also prone to more readily feeling overwhelmed, burnt out or stressed.
These predispositions can be very hard to navigate when a person lacking a developed coping mechanism also has a propensity to externalise problems to those around them or their environment *source 3
And we all know how someone ready to implode never affects morale at all..
For a business, this culminates in all manner of downtime and financial exposure from transient talent, to increased sick days, demands for more flexible work conditions and more besides.
Low EQ severely increases our financial exposure and for the sufferers themselves, it’s no better. Around 75% of careers that derail are said to be for this reason alone. *source 4
This is NOT purely a generational issue
Gen Z and now Gen A as well, have never known anything but a digital world and that influence is shaping their emotional intelligence in ways never before experienced by prior generations *source 5
However, regardless of our starting point, none of us are born with a high EQ, nor is it set in stone, or a given that it will advance with age.
More ‘water under the bridge’ only means a person has had more time and opportunity to develop their EQ, not that they have chosen to do so, or that they have necessarily succeeded.
What does high EQ look like?
Let’s look at the flip side. When someone has done the work to develop their EQ, it’s a constant in their behaviour, including situations that are inflammatory, highly stressful or emotionally challenging.
Some common ways to recognise a person with a developed EQ;
- Calm and controlled under pressure
- Takes responsibility for their actions
- Able to adapt
- Genuine curiosity in conversation
- Ability to listen well
- Aware of their strengths and weaknesses and able to communicate these to others
- Typically more empathetic and familiar with resourceful vulnerability
- Sets realistic expectations
- Aware of, but not consumed by, how they feel
- Driven by self improvement
- Predictably able to read a room as well as between the lines of conversation with accuracy
- Aware of their impact on others
- Comfortable being the ‘unsung hero’
- Will seek to resolve, rather than avoid, uncomfortable conversations or situations
- Comfortable saying no and drawing effective boundaries
This is not to say these people are Saints among us, but a high EQ results from the exploration and development of how our emotions drive our behaviour and because of that, those that have put in the time become far more adept at interpersonal relationships. Personal and professional.
‘Catching the spark before the flame’ is a term used to describe this skill, as the governing quality of a high EQ is being able to feel and quantify an emotion and to then control one’s response accordingly as opposed to reacting to it *source 6
Is EQ a question of intelligence?
Worthy of a mention is that someone’s intelligence or IQ is separate to their EQ.
While both can co-exist, each requires dedication to develop and is not a given based on the existence of the other. EQ is not a question of, nor at all predicated by, intelligence, experience, ethnicity or other such criteria *source 7
Turning the tide, the importance of role models
From the moment we first open our eyes, our minds begin crafting our personality and we are heavily influenced by authority figures. This begins with our parents or caregivers, extends through the formative years and never stops.
Current research puts our eventual psychological profile (by the time the mind is fully developed, around age 25) at even money – 50/50 nature vs nurture *source 8/8a
Who influences us, matters.
As a CEO, you’re highly likely to be one of the most influential role models in the lives of those around you and the example you set carries a unique weight, significant enough even to influence how others EQ may develop.
Neither HR, nor Cultural or Chief People Officers, middle management or otherwise can wield the same psychological leverage that you can. They play an important part, but this is one gig that just can’t be outsourced for the same quality of result.
Frankly, it’s not even close.
For a business to address this problem and experience a long term and sustainable result, part of the solution MUST come top-down.
Here’s one way I’ve found you as the CEO can play the crucial part.
A solution
If you want to stop a smoker from smoking, the best thing you can do to help them, is to not smoke.
If you want your children to read at a higher level, read with them.
If you want to help someone push their comfort zone, push yours.
And if you want your employees to raise their EQ, raise yours.
The concept of leading by example is a staple in every leadership model and no other method has anywhere near the same level of long-term impact *source 9
But how does a person raise their EQ deliberately when life experiences over time typically shape it?
If left to our own devices, our EQ tends to ebb and flow of its own volition, but there are ways to focus our efforts and create an environment for it to develop.
Although approaches vary, the themes to the environments that foster it do not.
We need to be challenged on all our assumptions, embrace situations we find uncomfortable or difficult, identify where our weaker points are and proactively address them. We need to push ourselves to identify what we’re afraid of and face those fears.
So, you know, all the stuff most people avoid like the plague because they’re confronting.
But without confrontation, there is no growth.
For CEO’s, this type of environment is usually a mixed bag of personal projects and reflection, plus different people and resources.
A high quality network helps a lot – mentors, coaches, colleagues. People that can help them see themselves from different angles and challenge them to improve.
There’s no magic pill or silver bullet to developing emotional intelligence, but then, if change and growth were easy, everyone would be doing it.
About the author
Paul Chapman is a 43 year old Londoner living in Melbourne with his family and the Owner and Director of Chapman CEO Coaching. He’s a former CEO with a background in behavioural psychology and psychodynamic coaching.
Having founded and exited his own ventures, he now personally coaches other CEOs.
Paul’s profile, contact details and website may be viewed here.
Connect with him on LinkedIn here.
Disclaimer
This publication reflects the author’s personal views and opinions on the subject matter. It is not intended, nor was it written to convey or imply and should under no circumstances be read or assumed to be any form of commercial, medical, psychiatric, psychological, financial or remedial advice in any form whatsoever and should not be considered or relied upon as such.
Please consider suitable advice unique to your situation before making any decisions or commercial commitments. Articles and source materials cited and suggested are for reference purposes only and free to view inside their terms of disclosure. The author accepts no liability or responsibility for external changes or alterations outside of his control to the information contained via the quoted sources.
Further reading
Dunbar’s number for an understanding of how the human mind experiences overwhelm
The nature of the family dynamic with Gen Z
The influence of parental role models in children’s formative years
The relationship between the internet and EQ in young people
For a deeper understanding of EQ broadly, the work and research of Daniel Goleman
Sources cited for this paper
Source A –
ii) Why Emotional Intelligence is in Decline, Dr Madeline A Fugere P.H.D, Psychology Today, 22/2021
iii) Why Emotional Intelligence is on the Decline, Journal of Personality by Khan and Colleagues, 2021
Source 4 – The Center for Creative Leadership, circa 1994 (original source material since removed)
Source 5 – Generation Z: Online and at risk? Nicholas Kardaras, published in Scientific American 9/1/16
Source 8 – You’re an Adult. Your brain? Not so much. Carl Zimmer, The New York Times, 21/12/16